I read a disturbing article last week. Among the shocking statements penned by a mother who chose to abort her son because of his certain physical defects, one declaration in particular prompted me to write this rebuttal.
“We made sure our son was not born only to suffer.”
It’s not the fact this short line is filled with a long list of unfair assumptions – it’s that it was written by a woman who knew how it felt to love a child.
Judy Nicastro already had a two-year-old son, Matthew, when she found out she was pregnant with fraternal twins. The pregnancy proceeded normally until the 20-week mark, when Nicastro received the unsettling news that her twin boy had a herniated diaphragm and the organs in his chest were not developing.
“If our boy survived birth, he would be on oxygen and other life supports for a long time. The thought of hearing him gasp for air and linger in pain was our nightmare.”
After a couple weeks of mental debating and reassurance from her doctor that “abortion was a “reasonable option” and one he could “support,” Nicastro decided to end one half of her pregnancy and aborted her twin boy.
Nicastro tries to paint as vivid a picture as she can of her suffering through the news her boy would not quite be like other boys, yet I admit I still cannot imagine the hurt she is wrestling with in these unsure moments. Every mother hopes for healthy children, but sometimes the unexpected cannot be avoided. But, while I can’t fathom her pain, I also can’t accept her decision and justification to have an abortion.
Her reason again: “We made sure our son was not born only to suffer.”
A woman who makes this kind of declaration must not have much faith in her ability as a mother. Nicastro shared she already had a beautiful little boy. Shouldn’t she then have known how easy it is to love a child and to make them feel loved? That alone is a life worth living. How did she know he would only live to suffer? Her love for her child surely could have overcome her challenge with her son’s potential shortcomings.
Two years later, however, she is still determined she made the right decision.
“He died in a warm and loving place, inside me.”
A mother’s womb is indeed the safest place for a child – except when mothers and abortionists turn it into a tomb. The immediate reaction to the procedure is frequently one of relief, but women often live to regret the fatal decision. It can take almost a decade to experience Post Abortion Syndrome – but it’s an unfortunate phenomenon that happens often. In 2011 alone, over 13,000 women visited CareNet pregnancy centers to seek post-abortion counseling after experiencing nightmares, substance abuse, depression and other unpleasant consequences.
The ending to Nicastro’s article is quite a contrast from her misleading opening statement, which almost gives off the impression she is unapologetically pro life.
“I BELIEVE that parenthood starts before conception, at the moment you decide you want a child, and are ready and able to create a safe and loving home for her or him.”
Sadly, Nicastro did not follow through with her opening statement. Here is her story. Read for yourself to determine if you accept or abhor her decision.
Maybe one day Nicastro will realize that her son’s heart would have been more powerful than his heartache.
Another altered life to consider is that of her daughter, who will never gain back the twin she lost. Forty percent of twins create their own language, a fascinating development called idioglossia, in which twins mimic each other’s babbles instead of their parents’ speech, according to modernmom.com. This is just some of the special memories only twins can share. What a shame.
Yes, Nicastro’s son would have had obstacles. But, with love any obstacle becomes a welcome challenge and one that often brings families closer together. They sadly will never be able to experience that journey.